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[personal profile] anxiousgrace
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Name: Cayla Reed
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Wing Color: Black, with white near the shoulders and at the tips. See this bird for a better idea: https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTJwMrDhdtVKWt58ak6B8km9zx-RWWz0z_DsDSsiB-CM3xEMixCYQ
Physical Appearance Pale, with short black hair and dark gray eyes, Cayla is thin but strong. She has a thin face and her eyes are relatively large, giving her a "deer in the headlights of life" look, especially when she is surprised. She is relatively inexpressive with her face, but it does change sometimes. She moves with practiced grace, but can move very quickly while still maintaining this gracefulness. She almost always wears headphones.


History: Cayla was born into a relatively well off family in a mid-sized city in Ontario, Canada. She was the only child of Jonathan and Natsumi Reed. Her mother was a first-generation Japanese-Canadian. Both her parents worked, her mother as a 4th grade teacher, her father as an actuary. She was given a lot of opportunities to try new things, and fell in love with ballet and gymnastics at the age of five. She continued in these activities for the rest of her life. When she was eight, she also started in self defense lessons. Both her ballet teacher and her karate instructor praised her high kicks.

Cayla was raised doing what she loved. She enjoyed ballet, gymnastics, and karate, but also loved spending time with her family. Her mother taught her a lot about japanese culture and cooking, which affected her tastes in food and art for the rest of her life. Cayla was also a remarkably intelligent child. She learned how to read at age three, and grew up with that love of reading. She also enjoys music, though she has no talent at making it.

When Cayla was 11, tragedy struck her family. Her father's younger sister, "odd" aunt Samantha was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Although Cayla was too young to understand what was going on at the time, she did understand that things would get harder for her family. Though times were tense, Cayla's aunt did manage her condition well with the help of her family. Even Cayla had to help out, occasionally, and she gained an understanding of the condition as she got older.

When Cayla started high school, she was relatively outgoing. She maintained an A- average, and made a lot of friends, though was not particularly close to any of them. As she continued though, her stress levels increased and she began to distance herself from her friends. Though she was asked out many times, her relationships never lasted or had any meaning. As the years passed, she lost a lot of her friends and fell off the social radar. By graduation, she was all but an outcast.

Cayla attended Windsor University on several scholarships, including some related to her racial heritage and one from the school itself that covered tuition. In university, Cayla pursued a degree in teaching, with two minors minor in japanese culture and movement. She was still an exceptional student, and also took classes on many subjects unrelated to her degree. However, her social condition continued to deteriorate. She became obsessive, reading into things far deeper than was warranted and making judgments based on completely irrelevant points. She retracted from society; her grades fell, and she became delusional. Recognizing that something was wrong, her parent's staged an intervention. They talked to her about what happened to her aunt, what they had seen happening in her... It was difficult to convince her that anything was wrong, but eventually she did see a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with Paranoid Schizophrenia.

Although Cayla is Schizophrenic, she does not have it as bad as some. She does not hallucinate, but can become delusional. This can happen at any time, but stress and anxiety are likely to trigger it. She controls her condition with atypical antipsychotics; the side effects, while normally severe, are less so for her. She exercises too much for weight gain or high blood pressure to be all that much of an issue. However, she does suffer from one side effect: Restlessness. She can't sit still for long periods of time. She also shows signs of decreased emotions due to the drug. Fortunately, she did manage to graduate college and make a few friends. She participates in support groups occasionally, but is not the most interactive person there.

The headphones were something she bought in college. She uses them to focus. They help her combat her restlessness.

Cayla is more or less a functioning member of society. She still enjoys reading, and works at a library until she can find a better job, although she does enjoy her current occupation. She also does dance recitals and occasionally assists at karate demos. She is still supported by her parents, though, and has to constantly watch out for new side effects of her drug usage.


Personality: Though at first, Cayla doesn't seem to have much of a personality due to her lack of visible emotion, she is actually incredibly deep. She is a kind, gentle, reserved person who hates to hurt others. She also hates being hurt. To avoid these things, she doesn't interact with people much. She is very lonely, but prefers loneliness to pain or guilt.

She reads a lot, because she enjoys it. When her delusions play up, though, it can make her confused about what is real and what is from whatever she is reading at the time. Movies are worse, so she doesn't watch them often. Since she went on medication, she has read more than ever, and sometimes goes to see movies. She exercises all the time, whether she is dancing, ding floor exercises, or sparring with another karate instructor. No matter what she does, her movements are graceful and pleasing to the eye. Incidentally, she is a first-degree black belt. Exercising and staying in shape is a matter of course for her, but machines are a turn off due to her restlessness. She prefers more natural workouts.

Medication can't treat anything, and occasionally Cayla can become delusional. This is especially true if she is stressed. When she has delusions, she becomes obsessive, focusing all her energies on one subject. She becomes convinced something is true, even if it makes little sense. She tries to rationalize it, until there is nothing left to hold it to truth. This doesn't mean her delusion ends, it just means she knows it to be untrue. They do eventually pass, though, thanks to her medication, but the whole thing is a painful and difficult process during which she is confused and sensitive.

Cayla likes subtle flavorings. This is part of how she was raised; she mostly ate japanese foods, which are more subtle and lighter than a lot of other kinds. She especially dislikes heavy and greasy foods. The only strongly-flavored thing she enjoys is coffee, but she prefers tea.

She hates violence, and is a pacifist. She will never use violence where diplomacy would work just as well, and if she fights, she fights to flee. She will try to help anyone in need, but avoids getting out of her depth or fighting.

Cayla is awkward around people at first, but if you befriend her you will find it well worth the time it takes. She has lost many friends, and highly values the ones she has. She likes to cook for her friends, too, but hates it when they fight.


While Cayla is open to friendships, she is more reserved about romance. Every relationship she has been in has self destructed, and it was always her fault. She hates causing others pain and concern, so she avoids love altogether. It would take a lot of work to convince her otherwise. If someone truly loved and cared for her, she would probably fall for them, but it would be hard to convince her that their feelings were true, and she might reject her own feelings to avoid hurting them.

When Cayla is happy, she smiles a little and is more outgoing. when she is sad, angry, or scared, she won't make eye contact readily and is less outgoing. She's really not very emotional...

Cayla lives with a constant fear in her background. She is afraid of side effects, afraid the meds will stop working, afraid of hallucinations.... She has some anxiety issues. Dancing, reading, and cooking are all defense mechanisms that distract her from her anxiety. She has learned how to ignore it, and can live with it, but it gives her a constant slight stress.


Strengths:
PHYSICAL: Cayla exercises every day. She is strong, and has a lot of endurance. She is also very good at karate. She is not the best fighter, but far from the worst. She has knowledge of where to hit,and how hard. She is graceful, precise, strong, fast... Really good at almost anything physical. However, there is nothing supernatural about her, so she is only a very strong woman.

MENTAL: Cayla is intelligent. Gifted. Not quite a genius, but close. She has rudimentary knowledge on a lot of topics, including basic first aid, but is not super skilled at anything except dancing and, to some degree, teaching. That's what she majored in, after all. She speaks a little japanese, but is nowhere near fluent. She loves to learn new things and read, and will read anything.

EMOTIONAL: Cayla is really good at not letting her emotions show, and pretty good at stress management due to necessity. She is also pretty mature, emotion-wise. However, she is kind, considerate, and completely capable of empathy. She cares very deeply for others. All her emotions are deep; they are strong, but hard to identify. Occasionally, she will be more open, but only with close friends.


Weaknesses:
PHYSICAL: Cayla is female. She can't be as strong as a man can, though she is stronger than an average man. She has no supernatural strength, and relies on that of her muscles to support her. This is not a bad thing- her muscles are very powerful- but she could never go toe-to-toe with a supernaturally strong being. Also, she is tiny. She's about 5'2". She weighs 105 pounds. She can be picked up, thrown, sent flying... She doesn't have the mass to take a strong hit, and has to dodge or redirect blows. She is restless, as well, and can never really stop moving.

MENTAL: Cayla is schizophrenic. Her medication makes this less of an issue, but she can still get confused between reality and what is just in her head. Distinguishing this borderline is difficult to do alone, but Cayla is not the most trusting person, especially when she's delusional. She doesn't like to explain her situations to people, and tries to deal with it herself, both because she doesn't want to saddle them with that kind of problem and because she doesn't trust them not to hurt or tease her.

Cayla is intelligent, but not intuitive. She has a hard time figuring out how to do things without having them explained to her, but once she understands something she becomes good at it quickly. She is impatient and restless, and her lack of intuition frustrates her. She is also a perfectionist. Se can get frustrated if something takes too long to master.

EMOTIONAL: Cayla hides her emotions too much. She doesn't like to let others in, and it's very hard to understand her feelings. She is ruled by her emotions, most notably stress and anxiety. They can take control of her and trigger confusion and delusion. She keeps a tight rein on all her emotions to avoid this. She seems cold at first, and takes a while to thaw. She's very shy and has a hard time trusting people. She sometimes over-thinks and over-analyzes things, and it makes her hard to be around.
Hugging, cuddling, and/or kissing? Not immediately! She's kind of suspicious of new people. Try to get to know her first, for everyone's sake. She might hit you otherwise.

Flirting? If you want to embarrass her. Feel free, but she'll become even more awkward afterwards.

Romance Maybe? She's lonely, but if you want to try to crack her shell go ahead. Expect some work ahead.

Sex? No. Sorry.

Fighting? Sure! She's a normal person, though, and is mostly just interested in sparring.

Injuries? I have no objections. Ask first, please.

Dying? Not if avoidable. Contact me first.

Things not to mention? Don't tease her about her condition. Or try to lead her into delusions.

Threads: If you want to join a personal thread, message me. Otherwise, couldn't care less!

Mindreading? Clear it with me, her brain is a complicated place.

Backtagging? Maybe? Don't drag it back too far, especially if it's come up since.
She's Schizophrenic. Not as bad as some.... but not good. She has delusions and loses touch with reality. Also, she likes cooking and Japanese food. She dances ballet, does some gymnastics, and is very skilled at karate.

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anxiousgrace: (Default)
Cayla Reed

January 2013

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